20 Things You’ve Experienced If You’re An INFJ

Being an INFJ can be tough. Why? Because we’re so dang complicated!

Even though my own brain confuses me daily, I do feel like I have a pretty good sense of who I am and what’s important to me, so I compiled a list of a few things that I feel/think as an INFJ. Hopefully, other INFJ’s will find comfort in knowing that someone can relate. If you’re an INFJ and you disagree with any of these or you want to add some of your own things to the list, please leave a comment below. Thanks!

1. You’re extremely reserved in most social situations but are surprisingly loud and goofy when you’re with people that you’re comfortable with.

2. You wonder why people care about so many shallow things when there are huge and devastating world problems to be solved.

3. You feel guilty when you end up getting caught up in the shallow things.

4. You have a difficult time seeing people who you deem as “shallow” (ie: loud, cocky, etc.) as people with real emotions and problems of their own. On the other hand, you completely understand people who are less fortunate, sad, lonely, and in need of help. You’re totally the person that roots for and supports the under dog.

5. You have an inflated ego because you feel like your mind is so complex and unique. While you understand other people, they don’t seem to understand you which leads to you feeling more complex and “deep.”

6. You like sad, dark, and mysterious things (i.e: true crime podcasts, sad documentaries, etc.). You have a curiosity for the sad things in life because knowing more about them helps motivate you to make a difference in the world. Also, you think depressing stuff is just super interesting. While you’re a fan of dark stuff, you also highly regard light rooms, windows open on a crisp fall day, and all the happy things in life. It’s completely contradictory just like everything else about INFJ’s.

7. You say, “Yes,” to socializing and you’re even somewhat excited to attend a social gathering but you instantly regret saying, “Yes,” with every fiber of your being once you start getting ready to go. Especially if you have to socialize with people you aren’t comfortable with yet.

8. You’re not able to see things as “black and white.” You have to find out for yourself if you agree with certain things. You’ve never been one to go along with what everyone else is doing and you have very firm opinions that sometimes seem contradictory and random but that make perfect sense in your own mind. You have studied and figured out what feels right to you regardless of what different organizations or political parties agree with.

9. You have no clue how others perceive you. One insult or compliment could send you on an hour long think-fest about how others see you. This can be very frustrating.

10. You have so many ideas about how you want to change the world that you end up not doing anything. You can’t decide what to do first or what’s most important because they all seem equally important. Or, on the other hand, you might know that you have glorious potential but you don’t know exactly what you’re going to do to make a difference.

11. You look at random strangers and wonder how their relationships with their family members are, if they’re an introvert or extrovert, what struggles they’ve had in their life, and if you’d be friends with them if you’d grown up together.

12. You question authority. You realize that just because someone is older or in a position of authority doesn’t mean they know what’s right for you. You know what’s right for yourself and no one can convince you otherwise. You want to do what’s right but you don’t always agree with what others see as “right,” and you also believe that everyone has their own moral compass that shouldn’t be dictated by anyone else. You think that people are naturally good at heart but that society and circumstances have led some people astray.

13.  You get certain “feelings” about places and people. This makes looking for a place to live difficult, as you base some of your decisions (especially these type of decisions) on feelings and won’t settle with living somewhere that has an, “off,” “dark,” or “weird” feeling.

14. You also have an inflated ego about how logical you think you are. You see yourself as someone who focuses on the important things in life and thinks reasonably. You often see both sides of things and are good at living life in, “a happy medium” instead of going to extremes. You think of yourself as someone who takes the good from different contradictory things (or groups, politics, etc.). This ability to see things clearly (in your opinion) makes you feel like you’re more logical than people who view things in extremes and can only see their side of things.

15. You find it difficult to do things that will benefit you “long-term.” You want to live life to the fullest and help people. Everything else seems mundane. You want to travel, have adventures, stay home, get things on your own important agenda done, and help people. You’re a homebody while also being extremely adventurous and spontaneous. You don’t quite understand some of the rules in life that everyone else seems to follow and regard as important. Often times you want to escape and just do your own thing instead of abiding by social norms.

16. You’re completely fine with going out to eat by yourself, traveling by yourself, and…well, practically doing anything by yourself. In fact, you enjoy being alone. You’d rather be alone than with people you aren’t comfortable with because you’re most comfortable with yourself. There are a select few people in your life that you’d willingly trade your precious alone time for.

17. It’s hard for you to respect and understand people who are highly extroverted and always need to have someone with them. You often regard being introverted as a good quality and being extroverted as being somewhat shallow. You find it incredibly easy to understand most people, but these extroverted people seem like a different species to you- a species that just doesn’t make any sense. Why are they unable to enjoy their own company? (It’s easy for an INFJ to fall into the trap of thinking this way so they need to make an extra effort to try not to stereotype extroverted people as shallow because most of the time that isn’t the case.)

18. You’re really passionate about certain things and you just don’t care about other things (that you maybe should care about.)

19. You try your best to help everyone but you get overwhelmed easily. You’re constantly fighting a battle in your mind between doing something to help and being too overwhelmed to do anything. You feel others emotions almost as if they’re your own, which can be a good thing but it can also be a bad thing. When you become equally as emotional as the person you’re trying to help, it can prevent you being able to help them.

20. You genuinely love people. You love that homeless man begging for money on the corner. You love that women with the broken leg who’s limping down the street. You love that person that’s socially awkward and your heart breaks when someone makes fun of them. You want to protect everyone from getting their feelings hurt. You feel their emotions and it can be utterly painful. Your heart breaks a million times a day for your family members and for random strangers that you feel so much love for.

10 Words That Sum Up an INFJ:

1. Diplomatic

2. Passionate

3. Introverted

4. Perceptive

5. Stubborn

6. Misunderstood

7. Introspective

8. Advocate

9. Idealistic

10. Altruistic

Author: Coral Allen

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Girl. GIRL. This was so wonderful to read, just like reading a mini column on how my brain and heart work. Thank you so much for writing and posting this – it is incredibly helpful for those of us who always feel like a fish out of water and don’t think there’s anyone who really gets it. Especially #20!

  • Loved reading this!! I love the bit about seeing random strangers and wondering about their life story. My husband is an ESTJ and I am definitely the devils advocate to his black and white view of the world. Luckily he loves anything mbti so he have becoming pretty understanding of each other’s many differences!

  • I sort of agree with everything although some of them I might word differently, but that’s just me. We may be INFJ, but we are still individuals. 😊 For #12 I wouldn’t say I question authority. I question everyone. But I have a harder time listening to people who just want to get in their opinion and mock, and not really hear what others have to say. Even if I don’t agree with someone, I try to listen and learn. I like to try understand other people’s point of view. Good post 😊

    • Thank you! I definitely need to do better about being less opinionated and listening to others views. When I’m passionate about something, that’s difficult for me. I need to learn from you! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  • 100% especially numbers 8, 11, 12, 16, and 20 not so much #17. What’s hard for me to respect or understand is someone who just doesn’t use or refuses to see logic, basically ignorance on purpose.

    • Oh, those people bother me too. I’ve been reading "Idiot Brain" and it’s all about how people are so easily deceived and will often do everything they can to remain in ignorance instead of facing the truth.

  • This is so true, especially number 11 and 12. Except number 17. I love talking with extroverts because they can lead our topic. While, I feel really awkward and uncomfortable if I have to sit with Introvert in an empty room, and just the two of us. It’s draining my energy even faster to think something like "What topic should I talk with her/him?" I’m that INFJ who doesn’t have inisiative in socializing at all, oh no.

  • Thank you for writing this! I love it! I can relate to everyone…it’s so nice to see things I’ve experienced written out and put into words. I sometimes have such a hard time explaining things!

    • I’m so glad you liked it! Finding out I was an INFJ was so great because I felt like other people finally understood me 🙂 That’s why I wanted to write about being an INFJ! Thanks for stopping by!

  • Totally true. I cannot watch videos where they prank people or listen to radio shows where they prank call people. I get so uncomfortable for them and feel bad that they are being made the butt of a joke. I have to turn these off immediately. I definitely need my alone time, and find it hard to understands those that NEED someone in their life. Being around people is exhausting as I can’t help but be feeling everyone’s emotions, the innuendos and undercurrents that go on beneath the banal conversation. Right on with your points.

  • Most of them are true, but I think many of them are even basic human traits that are present in a lot of common people, (other than INFJ’s) for example feeling a bad vibe about some place or even being a bit shy or quiet with unknown people. These feelings and emotions are felt by a lot of people I know..

  • I agree with all of this as an infj however, though extroverts are like a different species to me, I have more extrovert friends than introvert friends. It does take more time for me to trust some extroverts because they may seem shallow that’s why I have started telling myself give everyone a chance before deciding they’re shallow because you don’t know what they’ve been through to make them focus on the shallow things. I notice that everyone has a deep passionate side but not everyone opens up to that side right away. Shallow is more of a wall that people put up until they trust you enough to talk about the deep things.

  • This was super accurate for me except the extrovert issue. There certainly are shallow extroverts, but there are kind, interesting, intelligent extroverts as well and I find it as easy to read them (generally) as introverts. I prefer being the audience vs the performer, so I befriend extroverts more often than introverts. But it depends greatly on the individual. But most of this – like compliments throwing me off and the definition of "right" is spot on.

  • Oh my, super accurate indeed! And well written! I completely understand what you mean when you write; "It’s easy for an INFJ to fall into the trap of thinking this way so they need to make an extra effort to try not to stereotype extroverted people as shallow because most of the time that isn’t the case." This is so true and luckily in my case, I have a few good friends who are extroverts and find that they play a crucial role in my life. By this I mean, they provide me with the necessary balance between introversion and the outside world, while also understanding and respecting my tremendous need for solitude.

  • Yeah..Very True Dear..But nowadays made it a point to look at positive happy movies and other things to make myself feel better…Become more Spiritual..Helps us stay grounded…Do Yoga ana Meditate daily😊😊😊

  • THIS IS SO TRUE… SOMETIMES I CANNOT UNDERSTAND ME. SOMETIMES I FELT LIKE AN OUTCAST AT MY WORKPLACE WHEN I CAN’T RELATE TO THE TOPIC. SO MANY TIMES THAT I TRIED TO FIT IN BUT IT SO EXHAUSTING THAT I ENDED UP SLEEPING IN BED 10 HOURS STRAIGHT. I FELT LIKE THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS IN THIS WORLD THAT I CAN’T RELATE. WELL… THE STRUGGLE IS REAL..

    • I’m so glad you could relate to this article! The struggle is real but at least we know that there are others out there that are odd and misunderstood and confusing like ourselves 🙂 Thanks for checking out my blog!

  • I completely agreed with the LONER thing. I’m a loner, we are loners and we have nothing to be ashamed about. Being with myself is the most comfortable thing in the world.

    • Oh my goodness, I love that you just said that "being with myself is the most comfortable thing in the world." I totally agree! That’s a really great way to explain it. Thanks for checking out my blog!

  • I just now had to turn off a film before seeing the ending as it made me so uncomfortable to watch someone making a fool of themselves… also, I agree with nearly all of this 🙂 other then 8, as I do see things as black or white, to me it’s so simple to see when something is right or wrong and it confuses me when other people don’t see that. There are some things I might deliberate over but once I’ve made my mind up about what’s right there’s no changing it. Thanks for this post you did a great job outlining some of our traits 🙂

    • I have a hard time watching people make fools of themselves as well. It’s as if I’m actually feeling their embarrassment and sometimes it can be too much to handle! That’s a great quality to be able to see what’s wrong and right so clearly. I think it can be a great quality to see things in shades of grey as well. Both definitely have their perks and drawbacks. Thanks for checking out my blog! I’m glad you could identify with a lot of what I wrote!

  • Yes Yes Yes! Especially 7 and 8.
    Number 6 is the only one I don’t relate to. I feel things so deeply that I can’t abide anything dark, sad or tragic. It brings me down to such an extent that I just can’t deal with it, so I really shy away from things like that; for instance I will not read a book or watch a movie if I know it has a sad or tragic ending. If I do accidentally see something like that I will cry and think and stew on it for days, and it just isn’t good for me.

  • Wow! For the most part in agreement here! I am also in Long-term Recovery from drugs n alcohol. My 12 step work refined my over inflated self centered powerless ego. I don’t care for dark things. I see it as a waste of time, however I do gravitate to real life shows about those that struggle, a need to understand how to help..of course! Lol.. I’m greatfull this INFJ took her "cape" off and stopped trying to save the world! It nearly killed me! It is so comforting, empowering to know others like me (INFJ’s) think, feel, see, operate as I do! So cool..thank you for enlightenment!!
    Cindy:)

  • Thank you Coral for providing a place where we can come and read about others like us, and feel not so alone or flawed. I feel we are a dying breed, that materialism and me, me, me, are taking over, and that does not bode well for the future, but I whole heartedly feel that caring, and helping others is what we are meant to do in our lives, though I desperately wish more people would make an effort to understand us and at least accept us on equal ground. Not just label us as "emotional".

    • Thank you so much for appreciating my work! I agree with you that we’re a dying breed. I’m so glad there are some of us left who truly care about others and want to do all we can to help people. I think our sensitivities and all of our emotions are what makes us so prone to helping others in need, so I don’t ever think we should be labeled as "emotional" in a bad way. I totally agree with you! Thank you for stopping by my blog. I hope to hear more from you.

  • Thank you for posting this as this was very much required by me to feel that sense of belonging and finally relating to someone, driving away the state of thinking oneself as being lonely and wierd.

    • I’m so glad that I could help you feel less alone. I know exactly how you feel. You’re definitely not "lonely and weird." You’re just different and incredibly special in your own way 🙂

  • yes yes yes!! This resonates so much with me. And being an INFJ, of course I am obsessed with reading this kind of stuff and trying to make myself feel less alone in this crazy head and heart of mine. Love it. Thanks so much for posting this…

  • Well yup, that about sums me up! You know aside from all the other weird contradictory backwards thing that come with each unique INFJ

    • I’m so glad you can relate! We are pretty contradictory and backwards, haha. But that’s part of what makes us interesting and deep. Thanks for checking out my blog! I hope you’ll stop by again sometime soon!

  • I love this. 4, 6, and 9 – Amen INFJ Sister.

    Personally, I relate to everything except the "inflated ego." Growing up I often had a very low opinion of myself. It wasn’t until diving deep into my personality to see myself with honest eyes that changed. And I saw that it’s okay to give yourself the same value you give to others. Even though I still sometimes have to work myself up to being brave for something that puts me out of my comfort zone. Inwardly I think more of others than of myself. I guess what I would say is, I find inner peace and greater emotional comfort from knowing myself and others, but not greater ego.

  • Oh, My Gosh! That’s ME..

    Number 13, is the one that resonates the most with me. Since I was a tiny child, I’ve been EXTREMELY sensitive to buildings and dwelling places. If something negative happened in a place, I feel it…even 60 years later!

  • Except 4th and 17th point and the fact that i’m an ambivert everything else is super accurate af. Especially the 6th one!

  • This is the absolute BEST description of INFJ’s I have yet to read. It would have been so helpful to have this information back in the mid-1970’s when I was making those important decisions about college & career & marriage. Now that I am 60 I look back with regret over the roads not taken (and some of the roads that WERE taken) because I could only see my weaknesses, not my strengths……..

  • I’m crying. All the points are true.. But some inflated egos there, are fixed by being patient
    >< Thanks for the writing and (am I the only INFJ who write comment multiple times before posting?) Love INFJ,

  • I’m so glad I did the test a while ago. Reading through texts like these make me feel understood. I know there are people like me out there, although I think that I only met one single person so far (in real life) that comes close to being an INFJ. Is that the same for you? I also always feel like I need to explain everything I’m saying that people understand what I mean and don’t get it the wrong way, because I hate dramas.

  • Thank you for sharing your story. I discovered I was an INFJ two years ago when I took a personality test and that’s when I begun to understand myself. Because honestly, I really don’t get myself, I was so confused, undecided and lost. But learning my personality I begun to embrace it, and live with it in a more efficient manner. There are still some struggles but it became more manageable. Btw, you have pointed out almost exactly how I feel. You are right, it is hard since we are really complicated and I really do feel that my own mind confuses me. A LOT OF TIMES.

  • So so true… cried a coupla times reading it, laughed at myself, nodded when … the usual jumbled mess of feelings, thoughts. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    • I did the tests (I did several just to make sure) several years ago, but didn’t make much of it then. Did a few more not too long ago. Same results. So I started investigating more, and I know now that there’s other people like me around (I only met another [confirmed] INFJ in the last 2 years and I just turned 46).

  • 1 -5 yes…,

    6 surprised me, but it was the first time I can remember reading that. It is utterly true for me.

    7 is a total & exact yes. I sometimes work hard to get my husband out to social events, but then he end up the life of the party (which works out for me) & I tend to shyly sit still. I will find myself finally chatting up to one or 2 people, but finally start to open up by the time it is to leave? Anyone else?

    8-10 spot on.

    11 probably more in the aspect of what their relationships are with their loved ones & struggles Thebes been through & how I can befriend them & share my own knowledge & experiences with them to help them. Anyone else?

    12-15 yes

    16 is another utterly true one. Completely true. If rather enjoy myself alone doing what brings me joy (so, probably not so much eating at a restaurant by myself, because that would mean people would see me eat) but, but kayaking or going to the beach, going to a little hideaway etc no problem being by myself.

    17 &18 not to that extreme, but yes.

    19 an extreme yes to the first part, but second part is learned to step back & not let it take over my own emotions in realizations where is not my own to carry.

    20 not to that extreme, but I find as I’ve been working in recent 2 years in retail, I’ve found that I give of myself to customers in the case that I can make a difference in their day/life by sharing something personal in my own experiences whether it’s silly or deep because I want them to feel inspired or touched in some way by our interaction whether it’s the first time or possibly repeated.

    Overall, you’ve done a great job on this list. I found out about this done years ago, and have taken the test a few times, always comes out the same and I’m 43! I still enjoy reading these articles because it’s what has helped me understand & embrace this side of me, as well as, share this info with my immediate family so they can understand why I do the things I do. Thank you for sharing this!

  • 1 -5 yes…,

    6 surprised me, but it was the first time I can remember reading that. It is utterly true for me.

    7 is a total & exact yes. I sometimes work hard to get my husband out to social events, but then he end up the life of the party (which works out for me) & I tend to shyly sit still. I will find myself finally chatting up to one or 2 people, but finally start to open up by the time it is to leave? Anyone else?

    8-10 spot on.

    11 probably more in the aspect of what their relationships are with their loved ones & struggles Thebes been through & how I can befriend them & share my own knowledge & experiences with them to help them. Anyone else?

    12-15 yes

    16 is another utterly true one. Completely true. If rather enjoy myself alone doing what brings me joy (so, probably not so much eating at a restaurant by myself, because that would mean people would see me eat) but, but kayaking or going to the beach, going to a little hideaway etc no problem being by myself.

    17 &18 not to that extreme, but yes.

    19 an extreme yes to the first part, but second part is learned to step back & not let it take over my own emotions in realizations where is not my own to carry.

    20 not to that extreme, but I find as I’ve been working in recent 2 years in retail, I’ve found that I give of myself to customers in the case that I can make a difference in their day/life by sharing something personal in my own experiences whether it’s silly or deep because I want them to feel inspired or touched in some way by our interaction whether it’s the first time or possibly repeated.

    Overall, you’ve done a great job on this list. I found out about this done years ago, and have taken the test a few times, always comes out the same and I’m 43! I still enjoy reading these articles because it’s what has helped me understand & embrace this side of me, as well as, share this info with my immediate family so they can understand why I do the things I do. Thank you for sharing this!

  • This is great and much appreciated. I especially like the part when you wrote that we often times imagine what the relationships between strangers are like. I often have asked if other people do that and they look at me like I’m the oddest person. So well done. One point I have to say I don’t agree with as much is #17 it may be true possibly for some but I don’t think that statement can be generalised. Sorry if my input is too direct. Its a n interesting perspecrive but I believe that as a whole we try be as diplomatic as possible and see the perspective of others and understand the perspective of others even if some extraverts are shallow or need attention. As a whole though, we don’t want to do to them what is often done to us. Critiquing them for their odd necessities the way we are critiqued for ours. Anyway thats just my 2 cents. I appreciate your input and insights they are fantastic. Keep up the good work

  • I’ve never been able to put #15 into words before. This post is gold and will be used as a reference for my friends 😂 thank you!