InIntroversion & INFJ

40 Things Every INFJ Wants You To Know

***DISCLAIMER ABOUT THIS POST: After I switched my site from Squarespace to WordPress recently, all of the pictures and about half of the content in this post were lost. It took quite awhile to find the right pictures and write this post in the first place, but I’m currently trying to go through and recall which pictures I included and rewrite the rest of the post. I’m sorry for the inconvenience and will hopefully have this blog post redone soon!

INFJ’s are one of the most misunderstood personality types. Everything about them is mysterious, unconventional, and difficult for the other types to understand. They think differently, do things differently, and live differently.

If you’re trying to understand an INFJ, than good luck! They don’t even understand themselves half the time.

Though fully understanding them may be an impossible task, there are quite a few things that you can try to grasp about their personality that will help you connect with and understand them better.

I’ve put together a list of 40 things most INFJ’s want other people to understand about them. While you’re reading, keep in mind that every INFJ is an individual and although many of these personality traits are shared by the majority of INFJ’s, each person is a unique individual with their own quirks, feelings, thoughts, and ways of doing things. So, take the phrase “every INFJ” from the title with a grain of salt.

40 Things Every INFJ Wants You To Know

1. We’re not fans of small talk and we like to ask a lot of in depth questions.

Unlike Michael Scott, we’re doing it out of genuine interest. We just want to get to know you in depth. Tell us your greatest fears and your deepest darkest secrets. We just want to understand you better.

2. When we’re around people that care about their social standing and seem to conform with the people around them, we feel alone and annoyed.

3. We do everything we can to avoid confrontation.

4. We don’t feel like we fit in anywhere.

We’re also not quite sure how we’re perceived or if we’re perceived correctly. (Yet, somehow we have the ability to fit in everywhere- at least on the surface. How does that even work?)

5. We are not “touchy” and do not appreciate “touchiness” unless permission is granted. 

So, please respect our personal space.

6. We can be a little melodramatic.

Okay, like really melodramatic. But we’re really not trying to exaggerate or cause a show.

We just have a lot of feelings.

7. We’re often drawn to sad things.

Other times we can’t handle hearing another sad news story or seeing a homeless man on the corner of the street because our emotional reactions can be so intense. Have I told you that we’re contradictory and odd?

8. Our senses are stimulated very easily.

Several people talking at once, crowded places, or long amounts of time spent being extroverted can be too overwhelming and cause us to have a near break down. So if we ask you to, “give us some time to think,” or “be silent” for a little while, don’t take it personally. We’ll try to be polite about it.

9. Or we may actually escape for a little while for our sanity and for everyone else’s safety.

10. We have a wild imagination and a desire to create.

A lot of our happiness comes from creating art, poetry, writing, crafts, or being part of plays and musicals. Our creativity , along with our compassionate nature, can lead us to want to creatively solve human problems. That’s why many INFJ’s are drawn to psychology and other social science based careers.

11. We appreciate spending time with a select few individuals who we’re comfortable with and can have in depth conversations with but parties that involve a lot of small talk are not our thing

And we’ll most likely leave early.

12. But the truth is, sometimes we end up enjoying ourselves more than we thought we would. 

13. If we say “no,” to attending a social gathering or even a small get together, we really do mean “no.”

14. We appreciate our “alone time,” and even regard it as crucial to our emotional health & stability.

and when we’re having our alone time we don’t want to be disturbed.

16. We don’t care for social norms.

Our dreams are usually unconventional and aren’t in line with what’s expected of us.

17. We’re very idealistic.

18. We have high standards for those we choose to date, marry, and be close friends with.

We want the people we surround ourselves with to have depth, passion, and be capable of having interesting conversations.

19. We’re closed off and will only let those into our worlds that we feel comfortable around and who are sincere and genuine.

20. If we find out you’re not being genuine, we’ll let you know.

21. We see right through manipulation, white lies, and sales tactics.

22. For people who hate confrontation as much as we do, it’s surprising how honest and frank we can be.

23. Although we’re picky about who we choose to be close to, we have a general high tolerance for people in general because we understand why people are the way they are.

We’re insightful and can read people easily. We understand their motives, even if we don’t agree with them.

24. That’s one reason we want to get to the bottom of you.

We know there’s more to you than what you show.

25. And, yes, we know we’re weird.

We’re not ashamed of it.

We’ve accepted it.

26. We’re very passionate people.

Once we get an idea in our heads, there’s really nothing that will change our minds.

27. Our dislike for confrontation doesn’t stop us from defending what we’re passionate about.

We don’t like when our values, principles, or beliefs are attacked. And we definitely don’t like seeing innocent people get hurt.

28. We’re very private people.

We don’t like revealing the innermost parts of ourselves. This is because we don’t want the things we hold dear to us to be attacked or mocked but it’s also because we have a hard time trusting people. When we do reveal something important to us, we often regret it.

29. Sometimes we overthink so much that we wonder if we’re okay.

30. We don’t have a hard time thinking of our most embarrassing moment because we can’t think of one.

It’s because we have too many to choose from.

31. We absolutely do not like being told what to do.

Suggestions are (sometimes) welcome but do not expect us to follow your advice.

32. Sometimes we don’t even follow our own advice.

33. Most of us really don’t like talking on the phone.

34. We wonder why everyone else seems to be able to handle the normal parts of life.

35. We’re very sensitive, which makes it difficult to handle everything, especially expectations.

36. We just care about everything too much and burn out easily.

37. Because we burn out easily, we end up needing excessive amounts of alone time and pushing people away.

It’s something we need to work on.

38. We can’t stand ignorance.

When people choose to live in denial without looking at all sides of things, it drives us crazy. We form our strong opinions only after doing our research and making sure that we have had an open mind about all of the options.

39. We think it’s important for people, including ourselves, to think before they talk.

40. We’re amazed by how many exciting things this world has to offer.

We appreciate beauty, books, travel, and adventure. We’re hardly ever bored because there’s so many wonderful things to experience.


You may also like


  • L G

    A wonderful and insight blog! Thank you, I am certainly enjoying your writings!

    September 12, 2017 at 6:45 AM Reply
    • Coral Allen

      Thank you so much! That made my day 🙂

      September 12, 2017 at 4:15 PM Reply
  • S S

    This is one of the best INFJ posts ever – every point was so on point! Haha!

    February 16, 2018 at 10:48 PM Reply
    • Coral Allen

      Oh, I’m so glad you think so! That makes me so happy! I’m glad you could relate 🙂

      February 18, 2018 at 9:57 PM Reply
  • hurley gill

    Dead on!
    hhg – male INFJ

    March 25, 2018 at 11:32 PM Reply
  • Jane

    Every single thing is relatable to me…except that I am typed as INFP. Or maybe I’m mistyped, I wonder.

    April 5, 2018 at 4:42 AM Reply
  • Bret McGinnis

    Male INFJ, I feel so alone… I’m so glad that I relate to everything on here. It’s actually kind of spooky how spot on this is. My girlfriend is a trooper for putting up with me– I lose my patience a lot because she wants the normal American style relationship and I hate that so much! I don’t know why I hate and love people so much. AHHHHH! WHY AM I LIKE THIS

    April 30, 2018 at 5:00 PM Reply
  • Leave a Reply