InPersonal, Self-care

7 Things I’ve Learned in My First 7 Months of Marriage

1| I need to chill out. I’m a little stubborn and definitely not someone you’d consider “go with the flow”. I just like things a certain way, which I don’t think is always a bad thing (it makes it easier to choose a place to eat when my husbands not sure where we should go…because I know what I want), but it can also cause some issues in marriage and life in general.

Marriage has been a HUGE wake up call for me because I’ve had to realize that I can’t always get my way and that I need to take my husbands wants and needs into consideration. I’ve also realized that it’s not the end of the world if something isn’t done exactly the way I want it done or if plans are changed unexpectedly because my husband needs something. Basically, I’ve had to realize that life isn’t all about me! I’m sure I’ll get an even larger wake up call when I have kids. Oh, boy!

2| I actually love being a so called “housewife.” Don’t get me wrong. I’m a full on believer in equality, sharing household responsibilities, yatta, yatta….BUT I do have this innate desire (love/obsession) to keep the house clean, decorate, cook, and do all those other homemaking things. For the first time ever, I’m not sharing my home with parents, siblings, or roommates. It’s just me and my husband, so I get to make our house a home and I love it. Love, love, love it! Cleaning isn’t a chore anymore. In fact, I’d almost consider it a hobby. Who knew marriage would turn me into someone who finds actually JOY in washing dirty dishes and taking out the trash?!

4| I’ve learned that I need to learn how to cut a man’s hair. Okay, quick question for all you moms out there. How in the world does almost every mom know how to cut their children’s hair? Is it a skill that forms naturally upon giving birth? It confuses me greatly. I’m absolutely TERRIFIED to cut my husbands hair. His mom always cut his, so I’d love to learn how to in order to save money but perhaps it’s a skill I shouldn’t even attempt until I have children. Someone enlighten me on this whole “mom’s being natural haircutters” thing. Is it a wife thing too? I obviously didn’t get the skill when we got married….or maybe I did but I’m too scared to try (?)

5| I’ve learned that blanket-hogging and dirty socks on the floor aren’t just movie problems. They’re real-life problems. I always shook my head at the wives in the movies who got angry at their husbands for the most mundane things like leaving the toilet seat up or leaving their dirty laundry on the ground. Unfortunately, I’m now that wife 😅

Connor is the cleanest and most considerate guy I know, but the little things still get to me sometimes. I think that’s just part of marriage…. You become SO close to this person that you can’t help but say what’s on your mind and sometimes what’s on your mind is, Why the heck can’t he just put the toilet seat down? Luckily, we usually tease each other and get “fake” mad about our little annoyances instead of getting “real” mad, but we have had a few half asleep “real” quarrels about blanket hogging. Yup, that’s totally not just a movie thing either.

6| I’ve realized I can now totally relate to Brad Paisly’s infamous line, “And I thought I loved you then.” In an amazing marriage prep course I took in college (yes, my school had marriage prep courses haha), my teacher would always tell the class that the love you feel while dating is real but it’s a different sort of real- a less real real. Of course, that really depends on how long you’ve been dating and other factors, but I definitely think that as time progresses, my love for Connor has become more of the type of love that I feel for my family (of course, mixed in with romantic and intimate feelings).

It’s becoming more and more the type of love where I actually would take a bullet for him…the kind of love where I don’t want anyone to hurt his feelings, where I absolutely hate seeing him sick or in pain. It’s becoming the sort of love where I can truly say, “And I thought I loved you then,” because it’s stronger and more real now. I know, so cheesy…but so true.

7| I’ve learned that just because you’re married doesn’t mean your life is over. I know, I know. That sounds so dramatic, but it’s literally what I thought before I got married. That’s why I was a real pain at times during the months prior to our wedding. I knew I loved Connor and that I wanted to marry him, but I was so worried that I’d never get to travel, have alone time, or be an independent person in all of the ways I wanted to. Now I’ve realized that that’s so not true!

I’ve still been able to have my precious alone time (and it is very very precious to me) and stay an independent person with my own goals and dreams. But, I also got something even more important. I got a best friend who I get to love, adventure with, and put as a priority (along with myself) for forever!

Now I get to do a lot of those things that I thought I wanted to do alone, with him! And I can still do some of those things alone. It’s not like Connor’s barricaded me in our house. It’s definitely been a huge wake-up call to realize that I still have the freedom to make a lot of my own choices while getting to share my life with the person that matters most to me.

8| I’ve learned the importance of saying, “I love our life together.” When life gets stressful, chaotic, and overwhelming, the best compliment I think Connor and I can give to each other is to say, “I love our life together.” It’s so easy to think it’s your fault when your significant other is stressed out or in one of those “moods.” That’s why it’s important for both people to occasionally remind each other that it’s the situation that’s making them grumpy or argumentative, not their spouse.  Recognizing that life gets tough and hard sometimes, but you still love each other and love the life you’ve created together is so important!

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6 Comments

  • Stephanie

    This is very insightful! I am not married to my partner yet and I can already relate to some of the points you mentioned, especially leaving dirty socks on the floor. My partner has a habit of leaving dirty dishes on the desk in his office and that really annoys me haha. Your wedding photo by the beach is so lovely!! 🙂

    December 19, 2017 at 1:38 AM Reply
    • Coral Allen

      Thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed this post. Yes, my husband has a habit of leaving dirty socks out too. Why is that a thing with men? I’ve heard of it happening a lot! So strange haha 🙂 Thanks for all of your support and for checking out my blog! I really appreciate it.

      December 20, 2017 at 6:33 PM Reply
  • Leslie

    Sewing is actually super fun! My relatives get lots of handmade gifts every Christmas. :3

    December 20, 2017 at 1:30 PM Reply
    • Coral Allen

      That’s awesome! I need to learn how to sew so that I can give people handmade gifts! That would be much more affordable haha

      December 20, 2017 at 6:32 PM Reply
  • laura

    Hi, a fellow INFJ here. I´m curious, what type is your husband? and where I can find your love story… INFJ love stories intrige me

    January 11, 2018 at 2:08 PM Reply
    • Coral Allen

      I’m actually in the middle of writing our love story on my About Me page which you can find under the resources, but I think I might rewrite it since I was half asleep while writing it haha! My husband is an ISFJ 🙂 Are you an INFJ and do you have a blog I can check out?

      January 11, 2018 at 10:20 PM Reply

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